This actually happens to me.
Though not often,
it is commonplace.
Occurring in those few
slender slices of time
between wakefulness
and dream.
My eyes are closed.
I know this,
and yet,
I see through
translucent lids.
They slightly obscure
my focus.
Limited in perspective
to a plane parallel
with my eyes
I travel,
otherwise unencumbered,
away from my Self.
Exploring my surroundings
with wraith-like
abandon.
Upon informing my
spirit guide of this
I was asked,
what I looked like.
“I didn’t look at myself”,
I replied.
“And why not?”
she asked.
“The thought never
entered my mind.
Surely it was a dream.”
“Yet you knew
that it was not,
but did not look
at your Self.”
Frustrated I exclaimed,
“I know what I look
like.
I want to see
everything else.”
Shaking her head
smiling sadly
she intoned,
“Your lens has been distorted,
by life, and the lies,
told to you
by well-meaning
people…
some not-so well-meaning…
as well as by yourself.”
Anger percolated
as I put up my mental
hands.
“What do you suggest?”,
I asked, perturbed.
“Next time, surrender.”
I realized my mouth
had been hanging open.
Sweat on my brow,
I understood.
I have always tried to
control.
I have fought the current.
I tried to guide the path
not follow it.
Next time,
when I look for
answers,
I will start looking
at my Self.

M. Zane McClellan

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